Wednesday, March 31, 2010

"I don't do business that don't make me smile."

These lyrics from the song Treetop Flyer by Stephen Stills always rang true to me. The interactions and experiences that we present to ourselves and how we respond to them is what comprises our life. Why not experience things that bring joy to you?

I am not suggesting that interactions and relationships need to be blissful or joyful all the time. That is not realistic.

But, if interactions not bringing you joy or making you smile on a regular basis, why would you continue to do it? Life is meant to be joyful.

If you are regularly dreading a job, relationship, client, or any interaction, maybe it is time to make some changes. You could change the parameters of the interaction. Or you could choose to interact with someone or something else. I am not suggesting you spontaneously quit your job or leave your relationship. I am suggesting that you consider how you are choosing to live your life.

Do you believe in your abundance enough to see alternatives for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?

Or... do you submit to the fear of: "I better hold onto to that job with the economy the way it is." Or, "If I leave this person, I may not meet anyone else."

There are a lot of people and opportunities on the planet. There ought to be interactions available to you that make you smile- at least most of the time.

Life is so short. Why hang out in interactions that you continually do not enjoy?

Monday, March 29, 2010

The possibilities of allowing things to unfold

When I first learned to create things for myself, I tended to force things to happen. This was a huge improvement on being passive and feeling that things were happening to me.

But by forcing things to happen, we are limited to creating the thing that we have our sights set on. It is linear. "I want that job. I am going to make that happen." When we do this, we push our energy out.

By creating an intention for what you want and allowing things to unfold, you open yourself to all the possibilities associated with that intention. There may be something more beneficial than what you initially identified for yourself. When we do this, we allow energy in.

Allowing things to unfold starts with clear intention. It has to get to the core of what you really want.

Then when allowing this to unfold you have to let go of the picture of what you wanted, so you can see all the possibilities that present themselves to you.

When something presents itself to you, it your responsibility (to yourself) to explore it. Possibilites or "doorways" will open themselves to you. You can poke your head in the door to explore it without fully committing or attaching to it. I call this "free flight." If you see it is what you want, you surrender to it. If not, you move onto the next doorway that opens.

What possibilities are you presenting to yourself today? What doorways are opening? Are you allowing yourself to see them?

Friday, March 19, 2010

Spring Equinox: the time to create new beginnings

Saturday, March 20th is the Spring Equinox and the first day of spring. The Spring Equinox is celebrated by Native Americans and other earth-based spiritual traditions by doing ceremonies and rituals. The idea is to connect with what is naturally occurring with the earth and nature. You can then draw on that energy to create movement and change within yourself.

Spring Equinox is represented in the east in the Native American Medicine Wheel in the tradition that I was taught. It is the time of birth and new beginnings. Plants are sprouting and animals are giving birth. It is the perfect time to plant seeds for the coming year.

We can plant seed for our lives as well. This is accomplished by becoming clear in your intent of what you want to create for yourself this coming year. Expressing your intent through prayer, thought, journaling, or meditation plants the seeds for your new life to grow.

This happens energetically at the spiritual level in that the power of your intent or thought focus will actually create and open the doorway for the thing that you want for yourself. This is some of what The Secret and the Law of Attraction talk about. The Secret talks about the law of attraction having three steps to attract what you want to yourself: asking, believing, and receiving. Spring is the perfect time for asking and believing.

At the physical level, focusing on your intent and what you want helps you do what is needed to create it and then to recognize it when it presents itself to you.

Spring is in the air. Make sure you take the time to clarify and express your intention for the coming year. The energy to do so is all around you.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Flexibility and Strength: the Teaching of the Sacred Red Willow

The red willow tree is sacred to many of the Native Americans of the plains. They build their sweat-lodges out of it. It is flexible and strong. Its bark is a medicine to heal and anesthetize. They use it in their tobacco mixture for the sacred pipe.

The teaching of the sacred red willow is powerful. It grows near water. Water is a universal symbol for emotion. So the red willow draws on pure emotion. This is what allows it to be flexible and strong. Things that do not draw on emotion become brittle and break when life requires it to bend or adapt. They are rigid. Things that are not flexible and adaptable are not truly strong.

If we are able to draw on our pure emotion (and not our reaction to the emotion), we can stay flexible. We can bend and stay strong under great adversity and pressure. We trust our feelings and instincts and know what to do (See blog: Feelings are a stimulus for movement).

We can handle anything that life throws at us.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Finding compassion for yourself

Our deepest issues are with ourselves. All anger, resentment, regret, and betrayal are ultimately self-directed- if we are willing to take them deep enough (see blog: Anger is always self-directed). Once we see and accept that it is us that let us down, true healing can begin.

This healing is accomplished by finding compassion for yourself. You have to go back when you let yourself, your children, or the people you care about down. You need to understand why you made that choice. Regardless of the outcome, what was your intent? Were you trying to save your marriage or protect your family the best way you knew how? Did you not want to hurt someone's feelings? Were you not able to see other possibilities?

You did not have the awareness and understanding of the effect those choices would have at the time. If you did, you would likely have made different choices. Hind-sight is 20/20. It is brutal to yourself to judge what you did in the past based on the awareness that you have now. Give it a rest.

So... find some compassion for that person that you were at the time. You were just trying to make it through life the best you could. You acted based on the information you had, and the possibilities you were able to see at the time. As misguided as it may now seem, you likely did the best you were able to do at the time.

The resolution (and healing) is to forgive yourself for what you did and... to promise yourself to never to that to yourself again.

Friday, March 12, 2010

...if we do not immediately react and let things play themselves out

I did an experiment this week. I chose not to immediately react to things things that tend to get me angry or hurt. Instead I waited to see how they played themselves out.

The first incident happened on Saturday- someone did not return my phone call. Several days went by. I felt vulnerable. I was tempted to dwell on feeling hurt and sorry for myself- but did not indulge these feelings. On Sunday my upcoming class series on making change starting this week did not get announced at the church service. It was a set-back. I figured not enough people would come to my class. On Wednesday a crisis happened with one of my clients and my coworkers did not inform or involve me. I was tempted to personalize it.

The outcomes were interesting. Four days later the person that did not return my call called and apologized saying that her phone broke and she lost all of in-coming call numbers. She was happy to find my number and was psyched to get together.

People did show up for my class. They heard about it in the March newsletter. I called the coordinator at the church about doing a new class on dreams and symbols. She apologized about not promoting my class better explaining that they had staff turnover challenges. And... in addition to the new class description, she is going to put a paragraph about my upcoming Metamorphosis retreat (that is not even at the church) in the April newsletter to help me out. Their mailing list is large and it may be the break I need to make more people aware of the retreat.

The crisis at work was not even with my client, but a client that had a similar name. They did not call me because nothing happened with my client.

I wonder what percentage of the things we get upset about turn out to not be so upsetting- if we would not immediately react and let things play themselves out? I wonder how much less emotional energy we would expend?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Anger is always self-directed

Whenever we are angry, we are ultimately mad at ourselves. It could be for putting ourselves in a situation. For allowing someone to treat us poorly. For investing in someone that does not care about him or herself. For getting talked out of listening to ourselves. For doing things when we know better. For drawing ourselves back into an old behavioral pattern with someone or something.

But it is easier to project our anger onto someone or something else. We know how someone is, yet we choose to interact with them anyway. We allow them to treat us poorly. We get angry at them for the way they treat us.

But aren't we angry with ourselves for allowing them treat us poorly? Aren't we really angry at ourselves for interacting with a selfish or abusive person? Are we angry at ourselves for putting ourselves in another no-win situation?

We betrayed ourselves. Our issue is with ourself. The only way to heal it is to forgive ourselves and promise ourself to never do that to ourselves again. And then to care about ourselves enough to follow through.

So next time you are angry at someone. Look at yourself. Did you let yourself down? Can you commit and determine to not do that to yourself again? Do you care about yourself enough?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Personality is a choice

Our personality has a lot to do with how we respond to things. It is often based on our behavioral patterns, belief systems, and identity- the things we think that we are.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could go beyond these illusory and reactionary things and find our true personality? Then our personality would be an expression of our heart and who we really are.

Our personality would then be about how our soul is expressing itself at any given moment. Our personality would likely be more fluid and dynamic. It would be a pure expression of how I honestly see things at any given moment. What we stand for would remain consistent- so people can count on us and trust us.

So then our personality would be a choice. If I am tired of being cynical or intellectual, I could change it. If I am tired of always being nice and not rocking the boat, I could change that too. These things are likely not who we really are anyway.

So what do you choose your personality to be? Does it serve you? Maybe it is time for a personality make-over.

Monday, March 1, 2010

You better believe it!

We only allow ourselves to see the things that we believe are possible for ourselves. Otherwise, what we want could be right in front of us and we would not see it. Even if we saw it, we would discount it or push it away if we did not believe it is available to us.

Most people do not allow themselves to have what they want- because they do not believe that it is possible.

We have to somehow believe that what we want is possible. Once we believe what we want is possible, we will see it and allow ourselves to have it.

But the belief in possibility is the tough part.

It has to start with allowing yourself to have something you do believe is possible that is a step in the in the direction of what you want. Once you allow yourself to have that, you stretch your belief system to allow yourself another piece. You build confidence in yourself. Over time you come to believe that the thing you really want is possible. You prove it to yourself.

I was out on a date about a year ago and she said, "What I really want is to be a psychologist, but I could never do that." In retrospect I wish I would have said, "Well, what about being a psychologist can you see yourself doing?" Then she would have a place to start.

So what do you really want? What is something about it that you believe is possible? That is the perfect place to start.