That works for me

Things either work for you- or they don't. Few things in life are so cut and dry.

When you let go of trying to control or change people and situations, you are left with accepting them the way that they are. Then your only recourse is to discern whether this situation works for you or not- and act on it.

Environments either support who and what you are or they do not. If they do, proceed. If they do not- you owe it yourself to leave and find one that uplifts you. One that works.

Relationships either support you as you are, or they do not. You get the idea.

So embrace or encompass the experience that is in front of you. Allow all the information in. Discern. Your instincts will tell you if it is a good place for you to be. Then... find the courage to either stay and surrender yourself to it- or leave. You may have to be there for business reasons, but you don't have to hang out.

There are people who are willing and able to support you as you are. They likely will not have the opportunity to meet you until you extricate yourself from your non-supportive people. There sometimes is a lonely period between leaving the old and finding the new. It takes strength and determination.

Most of us have to get a little more selective about how and where we spend our time. Life is so precious. Time and how we spend it is our most valuable resource.

True Strength is the extent that you can trust your heart

True strength comes from inside ourselves. Our heart knows what to do. We access this by allowing ourselves to feel. The extent that we are able to trust our heart and act on what it is telling us to do is how strong we are.

What do we look to when we find ourselves in a challenging situation? Do we trust ourselves enough to act on what our intuition and instincts are telling us to do?

Or... do we try to process it through our intellect? Do we look to others to tell us what to do. Do we try to figure out what is socially acceptable? These things compromise our strength.

Did you ever get a strong feeling to do or not do something, not listen to it, and then later find out that listening to yourself would have saved you a lot of grief?

Leaders are strong in this way. They trust themselves.

Our current world needs leaders and strong people. Can it count on you trusting your heart?

What energy does this experience require?

We typically respond to situations by what we say or do. But it is also essential to consider how we say it or do it. With what emotional or life energy do we offer our words or actions? Is it soft and compassionate? Is it strong and intense? Is it playful and humorous?

Obviously, different experiences require different energies. So when we approach an experience and consider what to do, we might also consider what type of energy that experience requires.

People respond to the energy that you carry more than the words or even actions. And it makes actions and words be understood and have more of an impact. It adds color and richness to the experience.

It is when a parent finds the way that there child misbehaved is somewhat humorous- but they want to send the message that what the child did is serious. So they care enough to pull up the energy of being strict and strong. If they do not, the child will not take them seriously and learn anything.

We typically have some energies that we are more comfortable at carrying than others. We tend to offer our default energy with everything that we do.

Offering different energies allows us to be dynamic. We have to be willing to go beyond our inhibition and "play act" that energy. This is what good actors are able to do. They are able to project the energy of what they are saying and doing. So much that you can feel it across the screen. It is real because they pull it up from inside themselves.

People may think we are weird, intense, no fun, over the top, bitchy, not cool, or silly. There is a good chance that they will not like us at the time of that experience. We have to be willing to risk.

So next time you are considering what to say or do- ask yourself, "What energy will express what I am trying to say or do here." Then... find the strength to pull that energy up and offer it.

Flexibility and Strength: the Teaching of the Sacred Red Willow

The red willow tree is sacred to many of the Native Americans of the plains. They build their sweat-lodges out of it. It is flexible and strong. Its bark is a medicine to heal and anesthetize. They use it in their tobacco mixture for the sacred pipe.

The teaching of the sacred red willow is powerful. It grows near water. Water is a universal symbol for emotion. So the red willow draws on pure emotion. This is what allows it to be flexible and strong. Things that do not draw on emotion become brittle and break when life requires it to bend or adapt. They are rigid. Things that are not flexible and adaptable are not truly strong.

If we are able to draw on our pure emotion (and not our reaction to the emotion), we can stay flexible. We can bend and stay strong under great adversity and pressure. We trust our feelings and instincts and know what to do (See blog: Feelings are a stimulus for movement).

We can handle anything that life throws at us.

True Strength is Always Born of Gentleness

True strength is created from trusting ourself. More specifically it is based on trusting our heart- our intuition and instincts. It is not trusting our intellect. Strength based on our intellect or rules is contrived and rigid. This will create anger or "willful intent" and likely cause damage.

In order to access our true strength is is necessary to allow energy in. (In contrast to this, when we are angry, we push our energy out). When you are in a situation, open yourself to what is going on. Allow the energy of the situation in so you can feel what is going on. This allows your intuition or knowing self to kick in. Then you trust your heart or intuition (or gut) to tell what you to do and take action- even if it does not make sense intellectually. Acting from from your heart is always strong and true.

The best indicator of true strength is that it is always born of gentleness. What we do may be be firm and really strong with people, but it is always based on gentleness and compassion. This is because it came from your heart. It is based on the energy of the situation and the empathetic response of our intuition. Carl Jung called this acting based on the "requiredness of the situation."

So if your strength or strong action is gentle and compassionate, it is true. If it is not gentle, it is something else- usually control or anger. It is like that Keb Mo song, "I don't know what it is, but that's not love." Or in this case... that's not strength.