Anger is always self-directed

Whenever we are angry, we are ultimately mad at ourselves. It could be for putting ourselves in a situation. For allowing someone to treat us poorly. For investing in someone that does not care about him or herself. For getting talked out of listening to ourselves. For doing things when we know better. For drawing ourselves back into an old behavioral pattern with someone or something.

But it is easier to project our anger onto someone or something else. We know how someone is, yet we choose to interact with them anyway. We allow them to treat us poorly. We get angry at them for the way they treat us.

But aren't we angry with ourselves for allowing them treat us poorly? Aren't we really angry at ourselves for interacting with a selfish or abusive person? Are we angry at ourselves for putting ourselves in another no-win situation?

We betrayed ourselves. Our issue is with ourself. The only way to heal it is to forgive ourselves and promise ourself to never do that to ourselves again. And then to care about ourselves enough to follow through.

So next time you are angry at someone. Look at yourself. Did you let yourself down? Can you commit and determine to not do that to yourself again? Do you care about yourself enough?

Is there something you are trying to say to me?

Ever have someone try to communicate with you indirectly? They might hint at something, rather than directly asking you. They might say one thing, but really mean something else. They might even say something to their pet that is really intended for you. Is it just me, or is this maddening? It always seems a bit childish to me.

So... next time someone tries to communicate with you indirectly, consider asking them, "Is there something that you trying to say to me?" Granted, it is a little confrontational, but it is also an invitation to be honest. It is reaching out to hear them and to know them.

If you are like me, maybe you occasionally communicate indirectly yourself. If so, this blog is for that part of you, too. Ask yourself, "What am I really trying to say to them. How can I say it honestly and directly?"

Fact is, most of us often do not feel safe enough to communicate honestly. We do not feel safe to expose what we really want. We may be afraid that there is something wrong with wanting that. We might hurt their feelings. They may get mad at us. It might cause tension. It might cause them to retreat and become more distant. It opens us up to rejection or retaliation.

For me, it gets down to trusting that this relationship is strong enough to be honest. If it is not, then it may need some shaking up anyway. So the core is caring enough to get out of my comfort zone. It is willingness to risk. That is... being willing to risk what I have for something better.