I pray for not only me, but "For All My Relations"

My spiritual teacher, Bart Anderson, conducted Native American sweat lodges to help get in touch with themselves. He described sweat lodge as a place you go to pray. When praying in lodge, he suggested that I pray for the people that are in my "stream of consciousness" and for the things that I am part of. He said to do this because spirit does not recognize the concept of "I". It does not recognize separation- only connection. It is only us that views ourselves as separate. We create the illusion that we are separate and not connected to "all things."

The Lakota Sioux people pray by saying "Mitakuye Oyas'in" which means "for all my relations." Or, I ask this for not only me, but for all my relations. If you pray this way, he explained, spirit will answer your prayers. It will recognize your prayer as praying for the betterment of your people- which actually means something.

What if we saw ourselves that way all the time. If we expanded our level of consciousness to include all the people that we are a part of. As well, whenever we are in an experience, we encompassed all of the people that were involved in the experience. We could then consider what was best for the whole. Our life and expression would be a walking prayer that spirit would acknowledge and bless. Our life would be in harmony.

Predatory versus Mutually Beneficial interactions- you decide.

Our world has "de-evolved" or degenerated to the place where predatory interaction is the norm. Predatory actions are based on the notion that I can only gain at someone else's expense. The underlying belief of predatory behavior (like that of greed) is that my resources are limited. I do not allow myself to see possibilities. So if I want something, I am going to have to take it from someone else.

We can rationalize anything. We rationalize predatory behavior by saying things like, "it is just business." Corporations are "protecting their shareholder's interest." Most stockholders and consumers seem willing to support this behavior as long as they get a profitable investment or good deal on a flat screen TV.

The opposite of predatory interactions are mutually beneficial (or win-win) interactions. These interactions are based on the belief that if we collaborate and put our heads together, we can create a solution that allows everyone involved to benefit. We have to go beyond linear thought and limited perspectives to see new possibilities and innovate new paradigms. Once you prove to yourself that you can create things for yourself, the notion of gaining at another's expense is absurd. Why would you need to?

So now that the world's natural resources are getting more and more limited and the world population continues to sky rocket, we are going to have to choose. Are we going to fight each other for the remaining resources? Or... are we going to work together to create innovations that transcend our perceived limited resources to a place where this is enough for all who choose to participate. This choice may be the deciding factor between war and peace- between destruction and creation.

We make this choice every day. Whenever you collaborate with someone for mutual benefit, you are contributing to the peace of the planet and true evolution of humankind.

Got the January blahs? Feelings are a call to action.

The holidays are emotionally powerful. They force us to look at the extent we have the love and relationships that we want and need. For single people that want to be in a relationship, it is sad. For people that are not currently in relationships that fulfill them, it hurts. After it all subsides, we are left with January. The days are grey and short. There is a natural let down after the holiday extravaganza. We are behind at work. For many of us, there is not a lot going on in January. There may not be much to look forward to in the near future.

Depression is much more common than people acknowledge. It is not just with people that are clinically depressed or diagnosed. We all go though emotional cycles and can get down at times. January is a common time for this.

Feelings are a call to action. If I am feeling sad, lonely, or unfulfilled, it is a signal that I should attend to that area of my life.

Also, the best way to work through a depression is to take action. As soon as you engage in a project, activity, or relationship, you are not depressed anymore. Of course, the last thing that you feel like doing when you are feeling down is taking action. Usually, you have to force yourself. Sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself may feel good (it releases endorphins), but it is not effective to work through the blahs.

So take that class, start that art project, get out and socialize. Make plans. Find something to look forward to. Flirt. Ask somebody out. Orchestrate a romantic evening with your significant other. Remember, it is a good time to position yourself for another emotionally-laden holiday around the corner- Valentine's Day.

So Happy January! What can you look forward to?

How do your environments affect you?

All things affect. Continuing with the seasonal theme of introspection and reevaluating our lives, it is essential to consider how the environments we expose ourselves to affect us. Environments include our home, neighborhood, workplace, relationship, friendships, and social arenas.

One of the stories that we tell ourselves is that we live in a vacuum and the environments we experience do not affect much. We can handle it. We are tough and resilient. We have good boundaries. The truth is that our environments have a huge effect on us and the quality of our lives. If we understood how much, we would likely be much more selective about what we expose ourselves to.

Environments either uplift us or tear us down. Truly uplifting environments are mutually beneficial in that everyone involved are uplifted. The best gauge is how you feel while you are in the environment. Another much is if you are supported to be yourself- regardless of what you are feeling or what mood you are in. Environments that affect us negatively lead to us becoming hardened, desensitized, cynical, sarcastic, anxious, or depressed.

We also tell ourselves that we are stuck with our existing environments. The reality is that all of our environments are a choice. They may not be immediately changeable. For instance, if we determine that our career exposes us to an environment that does not serve us, it may take a some time to shift that- but it still might be extremely worthwhile.

So it might be useful to consider how your environments are affecting you. Are they uplifting you? Are they serving you? If not, it may be time to make some different choices in 2010. There all kinds of environments and worlds to experience. Which ones do you choose?

Expand you social horizons with "social arenas"

During this ideal time for introspection that corresponds with winter and New Years, some of us may decide that we need to expand our social horizons. We may be single and feeling a little lonely and isolated. We may be in relationships and/or friendships that are no longer meeting our emotional needs. We may be raising children and/or working a lot and not getting out very often. The holiday blues may be a reminder that we have not been attending to our emotional needs effectively.

So what to do? Get out and interact with people that have the qualities you are looking for. They may be people you know or people that you have not met.

One of the most effective ways to do this is through creating what I call "social arenas." A social arena is a place where the type of people that you are looking to relate to hang out. I suggest a 3-step process to create social arenas: 1. Identify what elements you are looking for in people you want to relate to- (i.e. honesty, not self-centered, etc.). 2. Identify social arenas where people with those qualities hang out; 3. Attend these social arenas on a regular basis.

By attending the same arena regularly, you will get familiar with these people. And even more importantly- they will get familiar with you. Conversations start to develop naturally. You start to get invited to things. You start to become a part of the little community. You have opportunities for new relationships. Examples of social arenas include: coffee shops, restaurants, wine bars, churches, meetup groups, gyms, yoga classes, bookstores, hockey games, Tai Chi class, dance class, art class, First Friday Art Walk, art galleries, rodeos, museums, the symphony, jazz bars, college or continuing education class, walking your dog at a park, and the list goes on...

So in 2010, open yourself to interacting with some quality, compatible people. They are out there... just hoping to meet someone like you.

Help bring back New Year's Resolutions

No one likes New Year's resolutions anymore. They may be getting close to extinction. This year, I've already heard several people say, "I don't like resolutions. I never follow through with them anyway." Maybe the problem is not with the resolution- but the follow through. I like New Year's resolutions. It is right after the new light of the summer solstice. It is the perfect time to reinvent your life. It is the ideal time to make change.

So this year my thought is we could bring back New Year's resolutions. Of course the best way to bring them back is to make them and follow through with them. Then we can use all this social networking stuff to make resolutions so we can create motivation and momentum for each other. So I invite you to list your resolution after this post on Facebook, Twitter, or Blogger. Hopefully, together we can start a nice list.

I will start. I have three resolutions this year: 1. Aerobic exercise three times a week; 2. Meditate every morning (I am hitting about 4 times a week now); and 3. Do what I call "closure" every evening. Closure is asking yourself a series of 6 questions for each significant, impactful experience of the day- usually about 2 to 4.

Then our first goal is to make it through January. They say if you can do something for a month that you will create a new pattern for yourself. Once you get into February it is part of your routine.

So Happy New Year. That is, make a New Year's resolution and make it a HAPPY and NEW year for yourself.

Is there something you are trying to say to me?

Ever have someone try to communicate with you indirectly? They might hint at something, rather than directly asking you. They might say one thing, but really mean something else. They might even say something to their pet that is really intended for you. Is it just me, or is this maddening? It always seems a bit childish to me.

So... next time someone tries to communicate with you indirectly, consider asking them, "Is there something that you trying to say to me?" Granted, it is a little confrontational, but it is also an invitation to be honest. It is reaching out to hear them and to know them.

If you are like me, maybe you occasionally communicate indirectly yourself. If so, this blog is for that part of you, too. Ask yourself, "What am I really trying to say to them. How can I say it honestly and directly?"

Fact is, most of us often do not feel safe enough to communicate honestly. We do not feel safe to expose what we really want. We may be afraid that there is something wrong with wanting that. We might hurt their feelings. They may get mad at us. It might cause tension. It might cause them to retreat and become more distant. It opens us up to rejection or retaliation.

For me, it gets down to trusting that this relationship is strong enough to be honest. If it is not, then it may need some shaking up anyway. So the core is caring enough to get out of my comfort zone. It is willingness to risk. That is... being willing to risk what I have for something better.