Movie "Brothers" shows complex ways that war affects

I just watched the movie Brothers on DVD (see trailer). It does an excellent job of showing how war affects people's lives back home. If you have not seen it, I really recommend it- that is when you are up for an emotionally intense movie. It is extremely well done and the actors give outstanding performances.

I do not think we always consider the complex ways that war affects people and families. Brothers does an excellent job of conveying this. Tobey Maguire's character was strong; he had every aspect of his life together. Yet his war experience, granted it was extreme, totally broke him down. Even though he worked through the really intense part of his healing, he was left wondering if it was possible to rebuild his life. No matter how strong we are, we are vulnerable to such trauma.

The effects on his family was huge including his brother, wife, two daughters, and father. The dynamics in his family are profound and complex.

He likely would not have survived if his brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) and wife (Natalie Portman) were not so strong and supportive. I wonder what happens to the veterans that are not as strong as his character, and did not have such strong and caring family members.

As a statistic, Tobey Maguire's character lived. But his life and the lives of his family will never be the same. Hundreds of thousands of lives are affected in so many ways when veterans return home.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed here...

Our culture and world are overwhelming. Life comes at you come at us fast. We have little time to manage the massive amount of information that comes at us. We are impacted emotionally at a fast rate. The workplace is piling more and more stuff on us to do. We go on overload and then shut down. Our emotional self says, "Wrong, I am shutting this one down." Soon, we stop feeling the awe and joy of life as well

This is similar to PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). It occurs when we experience something beyond what we are able to process emotionally. We suppress, numb, or forget the experience to protect ourselves. These things we suppress do not just go away- they get stored in our psyche. Later, when we feel safe, memories and dreams start coming back to us. That intense dream or horrific nightmare might be us trying to remember and feel something, so we can let it go. It is not coming back to haunt us, it is coming back so we can heal.

We get overwhelmed spiritually as well- by the vastness and unlimited possibilities of life. We don't have the tools to manage the expansiveness, so we create a veil between ourselves and creation to feel safe and in control. We create our own reality or world. We often do this at a relatively young age and then we forget that we did it. We start believing that our contrived reality is the way things are. We assume that other people are living in that reality too, but they created their own version. We miss a lot of life this way.

So what to do? To be open emotionally or grow spiritually, we must learn to manage overwhelm. The first step is containment. It is essential to limit our experiences and simplify our life to where we can feel it, again. This involves accepting that "all things affect" and becoming more selective with the things that we expose ourselves to (see previous blog). Just because we are not being affected intellectually, does not mean we are not being affected emotionally. Some things like work, ex-husbands/wives, etc., we may not be able to avoid- at least right away. But many of the things that overwhelm us stem from our choice to hang out in stressful environments. We could just as easy say "This is not a good place for me," and leave.

Forthcoming will be more tools to manage overwhelm. I believe it is one of the most essential and challenging things to staying emotionally and spiritually healthy in our world today.

How do your environments affect you?

All things affect. Continuing with the seasonal theme of introspection and reevaluating our lives, it is essential to consider how the environments we expose ourselves to affect us. Environments include our home, neighborhood, workplace, relationship, friendships, and social arenas.

One of the stories that we tell ourselves is that we live in a vacuum and the environments we experience do not affect much. We can handle it. We are tough and resilient. We have good boundaries. The truth is that our environments have a huge effect on us and the quality of our lives. If we understood how much, we would likely be much more selective about what we expose ourselves to.

Environments either uplift us or tear us down. Truly uplifting environments are mutually beneficial in that everyone involved are uplifted. The best gauge is how you feel while you are in the environment. Another much is if you are supported to be yourself- regardless of what you are feeling or what mood you are in. Environments that affect us negatively lead to us becoming hardened, desensitized, cynical, sarcastic, anxious, or depressed.

We also tell ourselves that we are stuck with our existing environments. The reality is that all of our environments are a choice. They may not be immediately changeable. For instance, if we determine that our career exposes us to an environment that does not serve us, it may take a some time to shift that- but it still might be extremely worthwhile.

So it might be useful to consider how your environments are affecting you. Are they uplifting you? Are they serving you? If not, it may be time to make some different choices in 2010. There all kinds of environments and worlds to experience. Which ones do you choose?

Emotional consideration: How is that going to affect me emotionally?

All things affect. We choose what experiences to expose ourselves to. We often make these decisions intellectually. They seem fine on paper. But we often fail to consider how that experience will affect us and others emotionally.

For example, being single and hanging out with someone that you would like to be with and their significant other. On paper, what' s the big deal? You are hanging out with friends. Emotionally, every time he touches her and picks her over you it breaks your heart a little. Why would you do that to yourself?

Or, talking with your ex on the phone in front of your boyfriend or husband. Intellectually, no problem; we are all adults here. After all he said he did not have a problem with it. And besides it's Christmas. At the emotional level, he hears you laugh and sees you smile- and then worries that you still like your ex more and are not fully over him. He trusts you a little less. Meanwhile, your ex starts thinking there is still hope of getting back together. I hope that little "harmless call" was worth it.

The fact is we often underestimate the emotional impact that experiences will have. At the emotional level, we may not be as cool and secure as we think we are. We set ourselves and the people that we care about up for a lot of unnecessary grief. It affects our ability to trust ourselves and each other.

So, upon considering an experience, try getting out of your head and asking yourself, "How will it will affect you and the others involved emotionally?" Use this "emotional consideration" as a factor in making your decisions. Remember... emotions often do not make sense intellectually, but they are more directly correlated to our happiness than anything else.