Wednesday, October 7, 2009

From "I" to "We"- Expanding your Consciousness into Adulthood

When entering a relationship, starting a family, or becoming part of something- it is essential to shift our level of consciousness from an "I" to a "we" perspective. We then take into consideration, make decisions, and take responsibility based on what is best for everyone in the marriage, family, or community. We are now a team. This allows us to move emotionally from adolescence to adulthood.

In our culture, this expansion of consciousness or "rite-of-passage" usually happens when a couple has children. Unfortunately, if one of the couple is not emotionally involved in the child entering the family, that person may not experience the rite-of-passage and remain in the "I"consciousness. This often happens with divorces or separations, as well as, someone who chooses to continue to be self-involved. Fathers are more susceptible to this separation from the "we" of the family- as they may not get the attachment and involvement with the child during pregnancy. They remain stuck in the "I" consciousness of adolescence. You then have a couple with two people living in different worlds.

Therefore... it is essential to create a rite-of-passage into "we" consciousness upon entering a relationship, family, or community. Both the mother and father need to be involved in what is happening in the family. This is why it is so important for the father to go to things like a Lamaze class or help paint the nursery. If you do not have children, you owe it yourself to create this expansion of consciousness by becoming part of something greater than yourself.

On the up side... you will no longer feel so alone.


  1. Definitely a timely article, Mike! I would add, though, that the challenge - particularly for child-rearing - is to carve out a place where the "I" for each parent can still be sacred. The first few years of parenting are very difficult, and I really struggled to find that holy grail of "balance" for the first few years. But for the past several months, I have been able to come to a place (with the support of my spouse) where I can rediscover bits and pieces of who I was before I became a parent...a runner, a painter, a bargain hunter. ;) And those indulgences make me feel more whole. My relationships with my spouse, children, friends and family are better when I feel like I can have my cake...and eat it too.

  2. Cool, I sadly just found your comment. Yes, I agree that for people that have experienced the "we" (such as yourself), reincorporating the "I" is essential so they don't "lose themselves in the relationship." I also struggle with that balance. This blog was largely targeted toward people whom have never experienced the "we." For those of us who have been exposed to the "Bart school of discipline" as your brother so aptly named it, not experiencing the "we" was not an option.

    Thanks for your comment!