An Addition to the Law of Attraction?

The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes describes a "law of attraction" that governs the way that we can attract the things we want to ourselves. Byrnes explains "negation" one element of this law, "The law of attraction doesn't compute 'don't' or 'not' or 'no' or any other words of negation." As you speak words of negation, such as I don't want a bad haircut, the law of attraction is receiving, "I want bad haircuts." She concludes, "The Law of attraction gives you what you a re thinking about- period."

Bart Anderson, teaching from a Native American perspective, explained, "Spirit only knows the collective and connection. It does not recognize "I consciousness" and separation." He continued, "If you want your prayer or intention to be answered, always pray in terms of "we." Include other people in your "stream of consciousness" or people working with the same awarenesses as you. He added, "Make sure that your intent is what is best for the whole. Then Spirit will answer your prayer."

So maybe it is time for an addition to the law of attraction. This additional law would state that the law of attraction only recognizes things that are based on the collective or "we consciousness." If I say I want this for the gratification of my ego, this additional law of attraction does not hear it. However, if you say I want this so it can benefit a number of people including myself, the added law of attraction receives that and provides what you are after.

Of course, that would require seeing ourselves as part of something greater than ourselves.

Angry or hurt? Ask, "How is this different than how I hoped it would be?"

One of the challenges of seeing relationships as a "we" and seeing the possibilities of where that relationship could go is that you sometimes bump into disappointment and loss. It can be painful. Perhaps that is why so many avoid it.

Someone will say or do something that makes it evident that the relationship meant something different to them than it did you. When this happens you are actually feeling the loss of what you hoped the relationship would be. I call this "necessary loss." It feels like they are breaking your heart. This is because at some level your heart is breaking (and opening).

Now when I feel angry with someone or get my feelings hurt, I ask myself, "How is this different than how I hoped it would be?" This allows me to clearly see what the loss and sadness is- so I can let myself feel it and heal. By doing this, I no longer need to tantrum against the way they are or try to change them. After grieving the loss, I simply change the parameters of the relationship to make them more in sync with the reality of the situation, and go on my way.

So why on earth would I open myself up to this? Because it is a small price to pay for the love and beauty that can be shared with another.

They would tell the whole clan of the herd so that all could eat.

Up to a couple hundred years ago, Native American tribes of the plains were dependent on the Buffalo for food and survival. They used every part of the buffalo for sustenance. If a person were to see a herd of buffalo on the plains, the first thing that he or she would do is go back and tell the whole clan of the herd so that all could eat. They would get a hunting party together much like depicted in the hunt scene in Dances with Wolves (see video clip). They would hunt together and kill numerous buffalo- so the whole clan could eat for a long time.

The clan did not tolerate self-centeredness or "I consciousness." If the person that saw the herd shot a buffalo from himself and scattered the herd, the clan would take away his shelter and everything that he owned for endangering the clan with with his self-centeredness and failure to consider the needs of the entire clan. They could not afford such self-centeredness and lack of consideration. They could not survive with it. Their "we consciousness" or as they called it being "one-of-the-people" was the key to their survival and their way of life.

How is it that our current culture can afford self-centeredness? Why do we continue to indulge in it? Why do we tolerate it? Is it that we had so much abundance and wealth with the technology of the second part of the 20th century that we no longer needed acting as one-of-the-people for our survival?

It is quite possible that the return of limited resources and tough economic times will require us to live with one-of-the-people consciousness once again. We may actually need to consider each other and work together survive. Maybe we already do- but have just not realized it yet.

Power Struggle- "No, you come into MY world!"

Most of us have experienced a power struggle in a relationship. No fun. But what is it really about? I have found that most power struggles with couples are about trying to get the other to come into your world. The wife wants her husband come into her world and live in their with her. The husband wants the wife to come into his world. The more determined of the two usually wins. The loser resents the winner; the winner loses respect for the loser.

How about a choice c. ? What if a couple created a new world together. The new world would be different than either of your individual worlds. It would be based on what works for both of you. You still get to keep your individual worlds. It is just when you are together you primarily hang out your shared world. You could occasionally visit each other's worlds to experience and understand each other. You could go into your own world by yourself or with a friend. But you focus most of your time with each other creating a world together.

This requires a shift in consciousness- from "I" to "We." (See my previous From I to We blog). In your shared world you have to consider what is best for both of you when you make decisions. You have to give up some of your pictures of how you wanted the relationship to be. You may have to decorate and pick out paint together. You have to ask each other, "What do you think?" a lot.

Is it worth it? You decide. I will tell you the destruction, resentment, and loss of respect created by an ongoing power struggle are rarely resolved. And... the beauty and happiness of creating a world together far surpasses the initial discomfort and fear of redefining yourself and letting go of control. Who knows, maybe WE will have a good time together.