See (that person) outside the box

The first thing that people often do when meeting someone new is to put them in a box. We intellectually label and stereotype that person. We "pigeon-hole" them so we do not have to think about who they are anymore. Then we just interact with our preconception of them.

Truth is... people just do not fit that well into a box. They are dynamic, complex, and ever-changing. They have different aspects of themselves that they draw on at different times.

To get to know someone, we have to be open to who they are all the time. We have to put away our preconceptions of them and pay attention to who they are right now. We may be witnessing the first time they ever exposed that part of themselves to someone.

But most folks do not go to all that trouble. Much easier to make assumptions about people. Then we do not have to think about who this person is. We do not have to continually redefine and discover who they. Most of all, we do not have to redefine who we are in relation to them. We do not have to feel or get involved. That could be risky and downright uncomfortable.

Plus that way we can create the illusion that we can control them. Much safer that way.

Only problem is... we miss our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to discover who that person really is in this moment. We fail to see how their beauty is beyond definition.

Allowing Ourselves to See Possibilities

Possibilities for the things we want most are presenting themselves to us all the time. But we only allow ourselves to see the things that we believe are available to us. We all have limiting belief systems that tell us what aspects of life are available to us and what are not. We say to ourselves, "That works for my friend, but I do not have those types of experiences." So when possibilities present themselves to us, we do not even see them. They pass right on by. Our self-beliefs create a veil that prevents us from seeing them. They are blind spots for us. And then we say, "See, that kind of thing never happens for me."

A really funny example of this was the ending of the movie Dumb and Dumber (See video clip). After spending most of the movie trying to find women, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are along the side of the road- complaining that they never get a break. A bus full of women on a bikini tour, stop by and invite them to go on tour with them. The guys say, there is a town a few miles down the road where you ought to be able to find two guys. After the bus leaves one of them says, "Some day we will get our break." My theory is that we do this to ourselves all the time. It is not that we are dumb- it is that we have blind spots. We turn down opportunities that will get us what we want, because we do not see the possibility.

I have done exercises with single clients, asking them to list every woman/man in the room-and then to go talk to the ones that they didn't notice before. They reported things like, "He is nice and really good looking, but I didn't even see him before. Or, "I saw her when I came in, but figured that she would never be interested in me." Upon talking to her, he found out that he figured wrong.

Not seeing possibilities also happens with business opportunities, jobs, promotions, money, and anything that you want. Perhaps God, Spirit, or the universe is trying to answer our prayers and we don't even notice the opportunity put in front of us. That is what I find interesting about The Secret and Law of Attraction which teaches us that we create our life. People spend all this time asking for the things that they want, and then when the thing they want presents itself- they don't even see it. They do not really believe it is available to them. It does not come the way that they pictured it. It's like we need a "The Secret Part 2- Recognizing the things that we created for ourselves."

To change this unfortunate pattern, it helps to be aware of and to challenge your limiting belief systems. Another tool I use is that whenever an experience presents itself to you, ask yourself, "What are the possibilities?" Or, "Are there possibilities here that I am not allowing myself to see?" You will be amazed at the things that appear out of thin air!