Pure Emotion is a Stimulus for Movement

Is it emotion or emotional? Emotion is the pure feeling, and emotional is the reaction to the feeling. Sadness is the the pure emotion. Moodiness, depression, self-pity are reactions to the sadness. We often indulge in the emotional or reaction to in order to avoid the pure feeling.

It is important to be able to discern between pure emotion and the reaction to that feeling. Knowing the pure feeling is the most important information you can have about how to act in an experience or situation.

Pure emotion is a stimulus for movement. It is a call to action. Everything I say and do (all movement) ought to come from my feelings. This is what our instincts are. Intention is an expression of my feelings. What I stand for comes from my feelings. Acting from our feelings is honest. Acting from feeling is innocent and pure. Acting from feeling is acting with passion.

Feelings are either a stimulus toward or away from. Attraction or repulsion. Joy is a call for unfoldment- a call for movement toward. Being attracted to, in awe of, curious about, or drawn to are stimuli for movement toward. Pure anger or rejection is a stimulus to move away from. Sadness or loss is moving way from. Feeling something is not right is a call to move away from.

We have to learn to trust our feelings and instincts. We are lost without them. Due to fear and the inability to trust our feelings, we check or filter our feelings though our intellect to feel safe- so we don't hurt people or ourselves or make mistakes. Then our action becomes contrived. It is not honest. We discount our feelings- our most important indicator for action.

So what's in your heart? I hope that is the direction that you are moving.

Celebrate your relationship with some holiday romance

The holidays are busy. They are kids, friends, and extended family to consider. With all of this, we often forget to consider the most primary relationship of all- our marriage or significant other relationship. How we spend the holidays is a testament to what is most important to us (see How We Spend Holidays blog). Are we remembering to honor and acknowledge our mate relationship by setting aside time for some holiday romance?

It can be as simple as wine, candlelight, and a private gift exchange late Christmas Eve- after the kids are in bed. It could be sharing latkes or other traditional Hanukkah dish together. It could be a holiday show or posh New Years Eve party. But doing something is essential. This romantic celebration is along the lines of date nights and nurturing and maintaining your relationship all year long. But whether you admit it or not- the holidays are likely important to you and to your mate. He or she may say it's not a big deal- don't believe them. They are a time when you feel loved and fulfilled- or lonely and hollow. It doesn't always hit you (or them) right away, but it usually does catch up with everyone.

If you are single, that holiday loneliness may be an impetus to get back in the saddle or to be open to a relationship that might be presenting itself to us. Perhaps the plan to put that off until the kids are raised or whatever else is not cutting it. It is a good time of year for New Year's resolutions and new beginnings.

If you are not happy in our current relationship, that lonely and unfulfilled holiday feeling may a call to action to either get the relationship working or to move on. If your relationship has lost some of it's fire, it may be a signal to fan the flames.

And... if we are happily married or in a great relationship, the holidays are a time to celebrate it. So simple and so important.

Who is that Person that I am Supposed to be Close To?

We often share the least about ourselves and what we feel with the people that we are closest to. We are less honest with them. The risk is too high. If we are married to them, have children with them, or work with them, it is a high level of investment and entanglement. Risking the relationship by sharing what we honestly feel threatens to turn our lives upside down. So we often keep our threatening feelings to ourselves or share them someone that we have less investment with.

After a while we do not know the people that we are supposedly the closest to. With not sharing what we feel, we miss out in experiencing who they are. They in turn, do not get to know who we are. We tell ourselves that we know them. How could we not, we live with them. But when is the last time you shared something that you are really excited about or scared about? When is the last time that you let them know that they hurt your feelings?

Of course, not risking is not safe. Being honest actually increases the likelihood that you will stay together. But it sure doesn't feel that way.

So this weekend, take a risk. Trust that your relationship is strong enough to endure some honesty. I recommend starting small to give you both some time to adjust. Then.. invite them to share something that has been on their mind. You might find out that you live with a really beautiful human being. A lot of the beauty and richness, after all, is in the messy, risky stuff that we protect each other from.