Saturday, February 13, 2010

Feeling "Unlovable" on Valentine's Day weekend?- Don't believe it.

One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, "I am unlovable." We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.

But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.

Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reenforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We unconsciously love people that are unable to love us back. We push away people that are able to love us (see previous blog). We feel lonely on Valentine's Day.

Maybe it is time to scrap the "unlovable" belief system. If we become consciously aware of our patterns of loving people that are unavailable and/or pushing people that do love us away, we can make different choices.

By allowing people to love us, we disprove and eradicate the unlovable self-belief.

So this Valentine's Day, I invite you to look for signs that you are loved- rather than signs that you are not. I am willing to bet there are people all around you trying to love you. Can you see them?

Happy Valentine's Day.

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