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Michael Hoffman

Movie "Brothers" shows complex ways that war affects

I just watched the movie Brothers on DVD (see trailer). It does an excellent job of showing how war affects people's lives back home. If you have not seen it, I really recommend it- that is when you are up for an emotionally intense movie. It is extremely well done and the actors give outstanding performances.

I do not think we always consider the complex ways that war affects people and families. Brothers does an excellent job of conveying this. Tobey Maguire's character was strong; he had every aspect of his life together. Yet his war experience, granted it was extreme, totally broke him down. Even though he worked through the really intense part of his healing, he was left wondering if it was possible to rebuild his life. No matter how strong we are, we are vulnerable to such trauma.

The effects on his family was huge including his brother, wife, two daughters, and father. The dynamics in his family are profound and complex.

He likely would not have survived if his brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) and wife (Natalie Portman) were not so strong and supportive. I wonder what happens to the veterans that are not as strong as his character, and did not have such strong and caring family members.

As a statistic, Tobey Maguire's character lived. But his life and the lives of his family will never be the same. Hundreds of thousands of lives are affected in so many ways when veterans return home.

Next time you feel poorly about yourself, go deeper

You are innocent and beautiful inside. If you go deep enough, there is nothing but light and love in there.

Our innocence and beauty just gets walled off with mistaken beliefs about ourselves. We are told there is something wrong with us- that we are deficient. We are told that we are born of sin. These self-beliefs create onion layers around the light and love.

After a while, we cannot access the light and love anymore. All we can feel are the onion layers or mistaken beliefs. They feel icky. We believe that the ickiness we feel is who we are inside.

These beliefs are 180 degrees from the truth. Those mistaken beliefs are not who you are. Someone sold you a bill of goods. You believed them.

Next time you feel poorly about yourself, go deeper. Meditate, pray, fall in love, follow your passion, explore. Just do whatever it takes to get beyond the onion layers to the light and love.

Your beauty is still in there waiting for you to discover it. Beneath the layers of self-beliefs, you are still as innocent as the day that you were born.

But don't believe me. You will have to experience it for yourself.

That works for me

Things either work for you- or they don't. Few things in life are so cut and dry.

When you let go of trying to control or change people and situations, you are left with accepting them the way that they are. Then your only recourse is to discern whether this situation works for you or not- and act on it.

Environments either support who and what you are or they do not. If they do, proceed. If they do not- you owe it yourself to leave and find one that uplifts you. One that works.

Relationships either support you as you are, or they do not. You get the idea.

So embrace or encompass the experience that is in front of you. Allow all the information in. Discern. Your instincts will tell you if it is a good place for you to be. Then... find the courage to either stay and surrender yourself to it- or leave. You may have to be there for business reasons, but you don't have to hang out.

There are people who are willing and able to support you as you are. They likely will not have the opportunity to meet you until you extricate yourself from your non-supportive people. There sometimes is a lonely period between leaving the old and finding the new. It takes strength and determination.

Most of us have to get a little more selective about how and where we spend our time. Life is so precious. Time and how we spend it is our most valuable resource.

I am nothing, I know nothing

Whenever I want to be really present, I say, "I am nothing, I know nothing." It is a declaration taught to me by my teacher to be clear when doing Native American ceremony. I use it in all aspects of my life. Saying this (and meaning it) allows me to detach from all the things that I thought I was and thought I knew. Then I can discover who I am in my present experience.

It allows me to "empty my cup," so there is room for something new.

It allows me to be "teachable." I can learn something.

Then I do not have to reinforce the things I thought I was or thought I knew with my new experience. I can be free to see and experience things way they are.

It is the most powerful teaching and tool that I was ever given.

Try it sometime. You will be amazed at what you discover.

See (that person) outside the box

The first thing that people often do when meeting someone new is to put them in a box. We intellectually label and stereotype that person. We "pigeon-hole" them so we do not have to think about who they are anymore. Then we just interact with our preconception of them.

Truth is... people just do not fit that well into a box. They are dynamic, complex, and ever-changing. They have different aspects of themselves that they draw on at different times.

To get to know someone, we have to be open to who they are all the time. We have to put away our preconceptions of them and pay attention to who they are right now. We may be witnessing the first time they ever exposed that part of themselves to someone.

But most folks do not go to all that trouble. Much easier to make assumptions about people. Then we do not have to think about who this person is. We do not have to continually redefine and discover who they. Most of all, we do not have to redefine who we are in relation to them. We do not have to feel or get involved. That could be risky and downright uncomfortable.

Plus that way we can create the illusion that we can control them. Much safer that way.

Only problem is... we miss our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to discover who that person really is in this moment. We fail to see how their beauty is beyond definition.

You get to leave when you learn the lesson

Karma is best defined as unfinished business. Often when we are stuck in situations such as an unhappy relationship or a job that we do not like, it is due to unfinished business.

There is part of us that wants to resolve our unfinished business. We likely unconsciously put ourselves there so we could learn the lesson and complete our unfinished business. Plus, we often need that understanding to create something different.

If we leave the situation before it is resolved, we often create a new similar situation to complete our unfinished business. I call this "revolving door syndrome." The movie Groundhog Day depicted this concept extremely well. When Bill Murray's character completed the lesson, he got to leave his revolving door or "karmic loop."

Therefore if you are stuck in a situation that is not working for you, it may serve you to explore what the lesson is. What are you trying to learn or understand? Then you can complete your unfinished business and move on to something new.

Furthermore, I have found when people resolve their unfinished business, a shift or new doorway will often naturally appear.

On the other hand, once you have learned the lesson, you owe it to yourself to leave. There is nothing there for you anymore.

So... if you do not like your job (or other situation), you get to leave it (for good) when you learn the lesson and complete your unfinished business.

Flow like water to where you want to be

Water flows to its source via the path of least resistance. It is the most powerful thing on the planet.

It does not tantrum against things or demand people or situations to change. It simply flows through anything it encounters. It slowly erodes away its obstacles. It is patient. It always gets where it is trying to go. It doesn't get stuck or attached to things.

So how can we flow like water? It starts with seeing things as they are. Cease expending energy trying to change people and things into what you need them to be. Rather invest your energy and creativity to accepting things as they are and flowing through them.

When entering an experience, encompass (see previous blog) or embrace everything that is going on in front of you. See and accept all the dynamics and interactions. Allow a way to flow through the experience to present itself. Jump in. The water is fine.

You can feel when you are flowing with your life. Things are clicking. Doors are opening. It is harmonious.

True Strength is the extent that you can trust your heart

True strength comes from inside ourselves. Our heart knows what to do. We access this by allowing ourselves to feel. The extent that we are able to trust our heart and act on what it is telling us to do is how strong we are.

What do we look to when we find ourselves in a challenging situation? Do we trust ourselves enough to act on what our intuition and instincts are telling us to do?

Or... do we try to process it through our intellect? Do we look to others to tell us what to do. Do we try to figure out what is socially acceptable? These things compromise our strength.

Did you ever get a strong feeling to do or not do something, not listen to it, and then later find out that listening to yourself would have saved you a lot of grief?

Leaders are strong in this way. They trust themselves.

Our current world needs leaders and strong people. Can it count on you trusting your heart?

Look inside yourself for guidance and direction

Our culture encourages us to look outside of ourselves on how to be. What direction are things moving? How do I fit? What is socially acceptable? But maybe our culture is more lost than you are. We look to each other and patterns of behavior and trends are formed. Someone declares that this is the new way to be. It has no anchor. The blind are leading the blind.

True direction for your life has to come from inside of you. This is the only hope for fulfillment or true happiness. What is important to you? What are you passionate about? What special talent do you have to offer to make the world a better place? These questions cannot be answered by someone outside of ourselves. Yet, that is where we tend to look.

It has to start with finding a way to look inside yourself. There is something inside yourself that is trying to guide you. You can access it though your feelings and dreams. You can pay attention to what you are drawn to and go explore it. You can mediate or pray. You can journal or express yourself through a project or art. You do can what you really feel like doing. You can trust your instincts.

But is has to start by looking in the right place... inside you. Only you knows what it feels like to be you. Why would you look to another?

Exposure and discovery: The key to intimacy

Intimacy is about exposure. It is allowing someone to see who you really are.

In one form or another, our self-beliefs and self-concepts tell us that there is something wrong with us. That if we allow someone to see who we are inside, they will reject us and leave us. So we present ourselves in a way that spins who we are to make us more socially acceptable. We wear a mask.

The downside of hiding or cloaking yourself is that no one really gets to know who you are really are. You are are all alone with how you feel inside. This is the one of the reasons that loneliness is so rampant in our culture.

So if you want to be close with someone you have to be willing to risk. You EXPOSE who you really are to them. One piece at time. You have to trust that they are strong enough to accept and support who we are. And trust that you are strong enough to heal yourself and reconfigure your life if they are not able to. You will feel a bit vulnerable after you expose something real about yourself. Although uncomfortable- that is a sign that you are on the right track.

And... you have to be willing to DISCOVER who they really are. You invite them to expose who they are. When they start sharing something about themselves, you listen and encourage them to continue. Your only intention is discovering and accepting who they are. Ask inquisitive questions. Do not judge or try to solve anything for them. They will be watching closely to see if you are able to accept them.

So if you want to feel close to someone, risk exposing who you are and discovering who they are. Life is much more enjoyable when you have someone to share yourself with.

Focus and Discipline

To create the life you want, you need clear intention. This requires focus. You sometimes need to do some soul-searching to find out what is important to you. It has to be what is important to you now- not ten years ago.

As we grow, what is important to us changes. These changes sometimes manifest in "existential crises" such as midlife crises. The way to resolve an existential crisis is to redefine what is important to you. This allows you to focus and create something new. This can be done through a "rite of passage"- or consciously changing what your life is about.

Then you can attract the thing you intend to yourself. This is what The Secret and Law of Attraction talk about.

Once your intention is focused, you need discipline. You have to hold that focus long enough to for it to manifest. If you let your mind and intention go all over the place, you will create random things for ourselves. By the time the things that you intended presents itself, you are onto something else and often do not even recognize it.

Discipline allows us to work with our intention long enough to unfold it. This is illustrated through a metaphor of shooting arrows. If you shoot your arrows in the same direction, it takes you further and further toward your goal. If you shoot your arrows in all different directions, they are not able to be as focused and effective.

So take aim and keep shooting your arrows until the thing you intended presents itself. Many people give up or get distracted right before what they want appears. Focus and discipline.

Time for a change? We all need a Metamorphosis.

One of my greatest passions is reserving a weekend and guiding people through a complete personal change. I have received so much value from such events over the past 25 years- sometimes as a participant and sometimes as a facilitator.

When planning for this event, my marketing consultant, John Driscoll, had a great idea. Why not make it a weekend retreat instead of a weekend seminar? Then people could stay overnight, eat there, and have an uninterupted 45 hours to focus on themselves. I said let's do it.

I am calling it a "Metamorphosis" Retreat. It will be at the Bear Creek Lodge by the beautiful Mt. Spokane. Many people do not allow themselves the life they want because they do not believe that it is possible. There is something about two days away from it all that evokes the clarity and insight into what is really important to you- and the extent you allow yourself to have it. I will use Native American ceremony, guided meditation, and sharing circles to walk participants through their own metamorphosis- in which they choose what to change into.

The retreat is Friday night, April 23 through Sunday afternoon April 25. There is still room. It includes meals and two nights of lodging at the Bear Creek Lodge. For more information call me at 509-850-7694, or email me at info@michaelhoffman.info.

So turn your cell phone off. Put the world on hold. It will still be there when you return. It just may look a little different.

Look for opportunities to address emotional issues

When looking to have experiences that have emotional content involved, the timing and energy of the people involved is essential.

When taking care of business, you are primarily working with your rational, analytical mind to make decisions and address situations. It works to have meeting about such and such topic at 10:00 am on Tuesday, for instance. The rational mind or intellect is relatively detached from our emotions and can deal with the task at hand on demand.

But for emotional experiences, it is much more effective to address them when the timing and energy is right. It is important to discern the emotional energy of the person and yourself to see if it is conducive to such a discussion or experience.

So when you are wanting to address something with someone you care about, send out the intention, and then look for opportunities to present themselves to address or experience it. Trust your instincts to know when the energy is right. It is a matter of letting things unfold rather than forcing them.

Another skill to do this is to allow the subject matter that you wish to discuss to arise naturally. My Zen teacher would wait months for me to bring a topic up before he would discuss and give me counsel on it. That way he knew that I was ready and open to it. He found it more authentic to address things that were in the "present."

By finding the right opportunity, you will find the person you wish to connect with more open and available to what you want to share with them.

What energy does this experience require?

We typically respond to situations by what we say or do. But it is also essential to consider how we say it or do it. With what emotional or life energy do we offer our words or actions? Is it soft and compassionate? Is it strong and intense? Is it playful and humorous?

Obviously, different experiences require different energies. So when we approach an experience and consider what to do, we might also consider what type of energy that experience requires.

People respond to the energy that you carry more than the words or even actions. And it makes actions and words be understood and have more of an impact. It adds color and richness to the experience.

It is when a parent finds the way that there child misbehaved is somewhat humorous- but they want to send the message that what the child did is serious. So they care enough to pull up the energy of being strict and strong. If they do not, the child will not take them seriously and learn anything.

We typically have some energies that we are more comfortable at carrying than others. We tend to offer our default energy with everything that we do.

Offering different energies allows us to be dynamic. We have to be willing to go beyond our inhibition and "play act" that energy. This is what good actors are able to do. They are able to project the energy of what they are saying and doing. So much that you can feel it across the screen. It is real because they pull it up from inside themselves.

People may think we are weird, intense, no fun, over the top, bitchy, not cool, or silly. There is a good chance that they will not like us at the time of that experience. We have to be willing to risk.

So next time you are considering what to say or do- ask yourself, "What energy will express what I am trying to say or do here." Then... find the strength to pull that energy up and offer it.

Discern when offering your gift to someone

Do you like to give? This teaching has helped me immeasurably. When giving... always bring up the energy of the gift to the person you are offering it to and discern if the door is open before offering it to them. Discern if there is a connection before proceeding.

Watch investing in people who are not open. This creates "misguided compassion." Make sure you are not projecting qualities onto them that you need them to have.

A gift from your heart is sacred. Treat it as being precious. People who are not open to it are not worthy of it. Are they in their heart or in their intellect. If they start judging or criticizing your gift, you know you are in trouble. Pack up your gift and move on. Do not waste the beauty of your heart on someone who is not open to it. It hurts you, and frightens and repels them.

So bring up the energy of your gift before offering it. Allow the energy of the person in. Are they compatible? Do they connect? If so, proceed. If not, save it for another day. This is discernment.

The beauty of your gift will soon attract someone that is open to it. You will see them... provided you don't keep trying to give it to people that are not open to it.

"I don't do business that don't make me smile."

These lyrics from the song Treetop Flyer by Stephen Stills always rang true to me. The interactions and experiences that we present to ourselves and how we respond to them is what comprises our life. Why not experience things that bring joy to you?

I am not suggesting that interactions and relationships need to be blissful or joyful all the time. That is not realistic.

But, if interactions not bringing you joy or making you smile on a regular basis, why would you continue to do it? Life is meant to be joyful.

If you are regularly dreading a job, relationship, client, or any interaction, maybe it is time to make some changes. You could change the parameters of the interaction. Or you could choose to interact with someone or something else. I am not suggesting you spontaneously quit your job or leave your relationship. I am suggesting that you consider how you are choosing to live your life.

Do you believe in your abundance enough to see alternatives for yourself? Do you believe it is possible?

Or... do you submit to the fear of: "I better hold onto to that job with the economy the way it is." Or, "If I leave this person, I may not meet anyone else."

There are a lot of people and opportunities on the planet. There ought to be interactions available to you that make you smile- at least most of the time.

Life is so short. Why hang out in interactions that you continually do not enjoy?

The possibilities of allowing things to unfold

When I first learned to create things for myself, I tended to force things to happen. This was a huge improvement on being passive and feeling that things were happening to me.

But by forcing things to happen, we are limited to creating the thing that we have our sights set on. It is linear. "I want that job. I am going to make that happen." When we do this, we push our energy out.

By creating an intention for what you want and allowing things to unfold, you open yourself to all the possibilities associated with that intention. There may be something more beneficial than what you initially identified for yourself. When we do this, we allow energy in.

Allowing things to unfold starts with clear intention. It has to get to the core of what you really want.

Then when allowing this to unfold you have to let go of the picture of what you wanted, so you can see all the possibilities that present themselves to you.

When something presents itself to you, it your responsibility (to yourself) to explore it. Possibilites or "doorways" will open themselves to you. You can poke your head in the door to explore it without fully committing or attaching to it. I call this "free flight." If you see it is what you want, you surrender to it. If not, you move onto the next doorway that opens.

What possibilities are you presenting to yourself today? What doorways are opening? Are you allowing yourself to see them?

Spring Equinox: the time to create new beginnings

Saturday, March 20th is the Spring Equinox and the first day of spring. The Spring Equinox is celebrated by Native Americans and other earth-based spiritual traditions by doing ceremonies and rituals. The idea is to connect with what is naturally occurring with the earth and nature. You can then draw on that energy to create movement and change within yourself.

Spring Equinox is represented in the east in the Native American Medicine Wheel in the tradition that I was taught. It is the time of birth and new beginnings. Plants are sprouting and animals are giving birth. It is the perfect time to plant seeds for the coming year.

We can plant seed for our lives as well. This is accomplished by becoming clear in your intent of what you want to create for yourself this coming year. Expressing your intent through prayer, thought, journaling, or meditation plants the seeds for your new life to grow.

This happens energetically at the spiritual level in that the power of your intent or thought focus will actually create and open the doorway for the thing that you want for yourself. This is some of what The Secret and the Law of Attraction talk about. The Secret talks about the law of attraction having three steps to attract what you want to yourself: asking, believing, and receiving. Spring is the perfect time for asking and believing.

At the physical level, focusing on your intent and what you want helps you do what is needed to create it and then to recognize it when it presents itself to you.

Spring is in the air. Make sure you take the time to clarify and express your intention for the coming year. The energy to do so is all around you.

Flexibility and Strength: the Teaching of the Sacred Red Willow

The red willow tree is sacred to many of the Native Americans of the plains. They build their sweat-lodges out of it. It is flexible and strong. Its bark is a medicine to heal and anesthetize. They use it in their tobacco mixture for the sacred pipe.

The teaching of the sacred red willow is powerful. It grows near water. Water is a universal symbol for emotion. So the red willow draws on pure emotion. This is what allows it to be flexible and strong. Things that do not draw on emotion become brittle and break when life requires it to bend or adapt. They are rigid. Things that are not flexible and adaptable are not truly strong.

If we are able to draw on our pure emotion (and not our reaction to the emotion), we can stay flexible. We can bend and stay strong under great adversity and pressure. We trust our feelings and instincts and know what to do (See blog: Feelings are a stimulus for movement).

We can handle anything that life throws at us.