Movie "Brothers" shows complex ways that war affects

I just watched the movie Brothers on DVD (see trailer). It does an excellent job of showing how war affects people's lives back home. If you have not seen it, I really recommend it- that is when you are up for an emotionally intense movie. It is extremely well done and the actors give outstanding performances.

I do not think we always consider the complex ways that war affects people and families. Brothers does an excellent job of conveying this. Tobey Maguire's character was strong; he had every aspect of his life together. Yet his war experience, granted it was extreme, totally broke him down. Even though he worked through the really intense part of his healing, he was left wondering if it was possible to rebuild his life. No matter how strong we are, we are vulnerable to such trauma.

The effects on his family was huge including his brother, wife, two daughters, and father. The dynamics in his family are profound and complex.

He likely would not have survived if his brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) and wife (Natalie Portman) were not so strong and supportive. I wonder what happens to the veterans that are not as strong as his character, and did not have such strong and caring family members.

As a statistic, Tobey Maguire's character lived. But his life and the lives of his family will never be the same. Hundreds of thousands of lives are affected in so many ways when veterans return home.

This Holidays, Start a New Family Tradition

We often rely on our family of origin for our family traditions. We have been doing them since we were little and they make the holidays feel special to us. This year, why not consider starting a new family tradition for your new or primary family? Traditions add strength and character to families. This family is different than the family that you grew up in- perhaps some new traditions that are tailored to it are in order.

Traditions can be traditional, planned, or spontaneous. They are always start with what is important to you. One of my personal traditions is to have a romantic evening and gift exchange with my girlfriend/wife on Christmas Eve. That is our time. Kids, presents, extended family can come on Christmas day. So think about what is really important to you during the holidays and plan a tradition around it. Make it special. Make it meaningful.

As well, this holiday season look for spontaneous or accidental traditions that may be presenting themselves to you. Maybe you are out of town or busy and cannot get the Christmas tree until Christmas Eve. Decorating the tree on Christmas Eve turns out to be turns out to be a huge hit with the kids and everyone involved. Now you have a family tradition. Or... maybe you get invited to go caroling at the last moment and it turns out to be perfect. What is important is considering what elements you are looking for in a tradition- so you recognize it when it appears.

Even better if it is different than either of your and your significant other's traditions. It gives yourselves, your children, and your parents a signal that this is your family. It is unique and special unto itself. It is not to be measured by any other standards. Your family has its own character and personality. And... it deserves to be celebrated.

Where are we going spend the holidays this year?

Wherever we spend our holidays says which family is most important to us. Whichever family gets the most priority during the holidays is our primary family. What is the important part of my holiday and whom I spend that with? Do we go to their house or do they come to ours? Where is Thanksgiving dinner? Where do we open our presents?

Our primary family is what we see ourselves to be most a part of. It is where we feel that we most belong. What we are most a part of is our primary role-identification. Am I primarily a husband and father or am I primarily my parents' son? I have to choose. Whether we realize it our not, what we emphasize during the holidays tells our mates, our children, our parents, and everyone around us where we stand. Actions speak louder than words.

Sometimes our family of origin is so strong, that we forget that our new family needs to be acknowledged. Do we trust our new family enough to make it our priority? Are we worried about hurting people's feelings? By acting to not hurt people's feelings, are we breaking other people's hearts?

It does not mean we can't be part of several families and celebrate them at different times. But which one are we most a part of? Which relationships are the most important to us? That is probably the family we should consider emphasizing the most this holiday season.