Complete your experiences by doing "Closure"

In our busy lives, one experience tends to blend into another. Often we do not complete the previous experience before starting the next one. This keeps us from being present. The unfinished experiences start to build up. They keep us feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

One way to complete experiences (and not drag one into another) is called "Closure." Bart Anderson articulates the 6 steps of Closure as following:

1. Acceptance of the reality of the situation.

2. Reconciliation: Learning something.

3. Asking: What can I do about it?

4. Determination to have things differently.

5. Look at your possibilities.

6. Put your focus in front of you!

Closure can be done immediately following the experience, at the end of the work day, or before bed to complete the day. At the end of the day, it is useful to identify and do closure with all of the experiences that affected you significantly that day.

Within second step of closure lies the key to resolving any past experience- true reconciliation. You cannot undo an experience or "make it right". You can, however, learn from it- so that experience adds value to your life. This is called "blessing the lesson" (see previous blog).

Once completing these steps, you are free to be present for your next experience. You can sleep and dream peacefully. You can start a new day without dragging the unfinished business of the previous day into it.

And... don't forget to do closure at the end of your Friday- so you can have a good weekend.

Touched by "Avatar"? You too can be "Na'vi"

I finally saw Avatar. If you have not seen it, you have to go. It depicted the connection to the planet, animals, and the clan extremely well. These are some challenging concepts to convey.

The rite of passage ceremony was powerful when they all joined arms. That captures becoming one-of-the people better than anything I have seen.

I also loved the healing ceremony when the clan swayed back and forth. How awesome and selfless to have the whole clan focused on healing someone. Anyone up for some healing circles?

There are reports and numerous posts that people were depressed about not being able experience being part of "the Na'vi." (see link). On the site Avatar forums the topic, "Ways to cope with the depression the dream of Pandora as being intangible" accumulated over 1000 posts. I admit I was sad when I had to "leave Pandora" when the movie ended.

Although some see this as Utopian and even pathetic, I would argue that it has to shows that people are hungry for the elements depicted in Avatar that we have lost in our culture.

And perhaps the ideas are not intangible, but rather need to be adapted to our culture. Instead of being depressed or sad, maybe we should do something about creating some of those elements in our world. Avatar could inspire us to find our connection with the earth and each other. Then it doesn't have to be just a cool movie.

Nature and the Natural State of Being

The Native American Medicine Wheel could be called the "wheel of life." It shows the natural cycles of life. It uses the things in nature like the change in the seasons to teach how life works. The "East" on the Medicine Wheel represents springtime when there is birth, blooming, and new beginnings.

The I Ching, an ancient Chinese text, states, "Man (and Woman) is as at the height of wisdom when all that he (or she) does is as self-evident as what nature does."

Life has a way that it creates and unfolds things- a "natural state of being." If we step out of our contrived world and tune into the natural way that things work, we can access what we want. Our intention and actions would resonate with the natural state of being, and the things we want would naturally unfold.

It's not that life does not want us to have the things that we want. We have just been going about it in a way that has no place to plug in to the natural state of being. Our culture is no longer in tune with this natural state. In this sense, it is lost.

This is the value of using the Medicine Wheel, meditating, and connecting with nature. These things can teach us how the the natural state of being works, so we can align ourselves with it. We can then resonate with it and unfold the things that we want for ourselves. We can dance with all of creation.

It takes a while to get used to it. It will not feel like it is on our terms. This can be a bit frustrating at first, because we are used to wanting things on our terms.

So next time you want to create something, go observe nature. It can teach you how you can unfold it in conjunction with the natural state of being.

Maybe there is something else that you came here to do

We have come here for a reason. Maybe we chose to come here at this time to accomplish some specific things. Maybe have some unique gifts to offer the world at this time. Maybe offering those gifts will teach us things that we need to learn to grow and evolve.

Maybe you did not just come here to take up space. Maybe you did not come here to just take what the world offers you. Maybe there is something beyond finding a career, getting married, raising a family, traveling, and hanging out with your grandkids. Not that these things are not awesome things to experience... But maybe there is something else that you came here to do.

The Hindu and Buddhist traditions speak of your "dharma." It means different things in different traditions and contexts. One aspect of Dharma refers to what you came here to do. It suggests you came to this life to accomplish some things at this time.

Native Americans speak of your "medicine". This may be some gift of healing or leadership that gets unlocked during a vision or your life experiences. I like to think of it as the natural uplifting effect you have on others when your heart is open.

Finding your dharma or your medicine(s) and acting on it is spiritually fulfilling. It gives you a sense of purpose.

So look around. It is an important time to be alive. The world and the people and things in it are having some serious challenges right now. They desperately need you and what you have to offer. Your specific spiritual gifts, talents, experience, and wisdom are just perfect for something the world needs right now.

Are you going to do it? It won't be the same without you.

Feeling "Unlovable" on Valentine's Day weekend?- Don't believe it.

One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, "I am unlovable." We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.

But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.

Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reenforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We unconsciously love people that are unable to love us back. We push away people that are able to love us (see previous blog). We feel lonely on Valentine's Day.

Maybe it is time to scrap the "unlovable" belief system. If we become consciously aware of our patterns of loving people that are unavailable and/or pushing people that do love us away, we can make different choices.

By allowing people to love us, we disprove and eradicate the unlovable self-belief.

So this Valentine's Day, I invite you to look for signs that you are loved- rather than signs that you are not. I am willing to bet there are people all around you trying to love you. Can you see them?

Happy Valentine's Day.

An Addition to the Law of Attraction?

The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes describes a "law of attraction" that governs the way that we can attract the things we want to ourselves. Byrnes explains "negation" one element of this law, "The law of attraction doesn't compute 'don't' or 'not' or 'no' or any other words of negation." As you speak words of negation, such as I don't want a bad haircut, the law of attraction is receiving, "I want bad haircuts." She concludes, "The Law of attraction gives you what you a re thinking about- period."

Bart Anderson, teaching from a Native American perspective, explained, "Spirit only knows the collective and connection. It does not recognize "I consciousness" and separation." He continued, "If you want your prayer or intention to be answered, always pray in terms of "we." Include other people in your "stream of consciousness" or people working with the same awarenesses as you. He added, "Make sure that your intent is what is best for the whole. Then Spirit will answer your prayer."

So maybe it is time for an addition to the law of attraction. This additional law would state that the law of attraction only recognizes things that are based on the collective or "we consciousness." If I say I want this for the gratification of my ego, this additional law of attraction does not hear it. However, if you say I want this so it can benefit a number of people including myself, the added law of attraction receives that and provides what you are after.

Of course, that would require seeing ourselves as part of something greater than ourselves.

Breaking unwritten contracts when you make change in a relationship

All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid- yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this winter time of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us. We seek to change the relationship.

When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with this person. The person that has the contract broken on them usually feels betrayed, hurt, or angry. The person that breaks the contract often feels guilty. These dynamics tend to happen even if the contract that you are breaking is unhealthy for you and the other person. They were likely comfortable with the way that it was. The other person will often try to convince you to return to the way that it was. They may let you know how painful and inconvenient that this new way is for them.

If this is change you really want, it is essential to allow the other person to have his or her feelings, but not get seduced or talked into returning back into the way that it was. You will likely feel guilty. They will feel hurt. When I was part of a support group that was challenging contracts, we use to welcome the guilt as a sign that we were progressing in challenging our old contracts.

You replace the old contracts with new parameters on how you want the relationship to be. Parameters give you and the other person clear signals on where you are willing and not willing to go in the relationship. You then respond to the person based on your new parameters instead of the old contracts.

Over time as new grooves get established, the parameters become the new contracts. Only this time they are consciously chosen by you- so you can have the experience that you want to have with that person.

The perfect time of year to let the things that no longer serve you die

The Native American Medicine Wheel is a powerful way to tune into the cycles of the earth and life. My tradition teaches that this time of year late winter or the northeast and late winter- the death of the old. It is the perfect time to let things in your life that no longer serve you die. This makes room for things to be born in the spring.

The north or mid-winter of the Medicine Wheel is the time of introspection- a time to reevaluate what is important to you. The prime time for this was the Winter solstice in late December and early January. Once we identify what is important to us at this time in our life, it is natural to consider the things in our life that serve or do not serve what is important to us.

If it is important to us, do we care enough about our lives to get out of our comfort zones let go of some things? Do we care enough to risk hurting some people's feelings and break some contracts we have with people that are no longer serve anyone? Do we care enough to walk through our resistance and fear to mean business with our life? We are here for such a short time.

It is not that the things we are letting go are bad- it is that they no longer serve us and what is important to us now. At a previous time in our life these things may have served us well. We may have needed them to get where we are now.

So... what no longer serves you? If you can let some things die, it will make room in your heart for something new. Letting the old die before the new has taken form is the ultimate act of faith.