Personality is a choice

Our personality has a lot to do with how we respond to things. It is often based on our behavioral patterns, belief systems, and identity- the things we think that we are.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could go beyond these illusory and reactionary things and find our true personality? Then our personality would be an expression of our heart and who we really are.

Our personality would then be about how our soul is expressing itself at any given moment. Our personality would likely be more fluid and dynamic. It would be a pure expression of how I honestly see things at any given moment. What we stand for would remain consistent- so people can count on us and trust us.

So then our personality would be a choice. If I am tired of being cynical or intellectual, I could change it. If I am tired of always being nice and not rocking the boat, I could change that too. These things are likely not who we really are anyway.

So what do you choose your personality to be? Does it serve you? Maybe it is time for a personality make-over.

Feeling "Unlovable" on Valentine's Day weekend?- Don't believe it.

One of the most common and self-destructive self-beliefs is, "I am unlovable." We come by it honestly. When we were a child, if our own mother or father cannot love and accept us the way we are- we assume we are unlovable. Children, after all, are developmentally narcissistic; they make everything about them.

But the reality is, it had nothing to do with us. It had everything to do with the people that were not able to love us.

Anyway, if we carry this belief into adulthood (and most of us do), we keep recreating scenarios to reenforce that we are unlovable. We create self-fulfilling prophesies. We unconsciously love people that are unable to love us back. We push away people that are able to love us (see previous blog). We feel lonely on Valentine's Day.

Maybe it is time to scrap the "unlovable" belief system. If we become consciously aware of our patterns of loving people that are unavailable and/or pushing people that do love us away, we can make different choices.

By allowing people to love us, we disprove and eradicate the unlovable self-belief.

So this Valentine's Day, I invite you to look for signs that you are loved- rather than signs that you are not. I am willing to bet there are people all around you trying to love you. Can you see them?

Happy Valentine's Day.

How do you choose to express your joy?

My all time favorite quote is "The choice is: how we affect, how we reflect our Buddha nature" by Bart Anderson.

What if we did have did have a "Buddha nature" inside of us- a pure beauty, joy, and love that is pure possibility? Buddha nature (or Christ consciousness, life force, chi, passion, prana) is pure spiritual energy that is available to be "reflected" any way we choose. When we are angry that is how we are reflecting our Buddha nature.

Or if you like... What if the only true emotion is joy? And, all the other feelings and emotional states are derivations of joy. If we are feeling sorry for ourselves, that is how we are expressing our joy.

So, how do you choose to express your joy? How do you choose to reflect your Buddha nature?It may be the most important choice you have. It may be the only choice you have.

The choice you make in expressing your Buddha nature in any given moment is your "offering" to those around you and the world. It is your prayer. It is how you "make a difference." It is whether you contribute to peace or violence. It is whether you uplift or drag down. It is whether you create or destroy.

The choice you make in expressing your joy is "how you affect." It is also the experience that you choose to have. And... it makes all the difference in the world.

How do your environments affect you?

All things affect. Continuing with the seasonal theme of introspection and reevaluating our lives, it is essential to consider how the environments we expose ourselves to affect us. Environments include our home, neighborhood, workplace, relationship, friendships, and social arenas.

One of the stories that we tell ourselves is that we live in a vacuum and the environments we experience do not affect much. We can handle it. We are tough and resilient. We have good boundaries. The truth is that our environments have a huge effect on us and the quality of our lives. If we understood how much, we would likely be much more selective about what we expose ourselves to.

Environments either uplift us or tear us down. Truly uplifting environments are mutually beneficial in that everyone involved are uplifted. The best gauge is how you feel while you are in the environment. Another much is if you are supported to be yourself- regardless of what you are feeling or what mood you are in. Environments that affect us negatively lead to us becoming hardened, desensitized, cynical, sarcastic, anxious, or depressed.

We also tell ourselves that we are stuck with our existing environments. The reality is that all of our environments are a choice. They may not be immediately changeable. For instance, if we determine that our career exposes us to an environment that does not serve us, it may take a some time to shift that- but it still might be extremely worthwhile.

So it might be useful to consider how your environments are affecting you. Are they uplifting you? Are they serving you? If not, it may be time to make some different choices in 2010. There all kinds of environments and worlds to experience. Which ones do you choose?

Responsibility- the key to freedom?

You create your life. Everything that you are experiencing in your life now was created by you. The undesirable things in your life are either an outcome of a choice that you made, or an experience or person that you chose to expose yourself to. It could be your choice of a job, career, boss, business, place you live, significant other, friend(s), place to hang out, or limitless other things. Of all the possible things on the planet, you chose to expose yourself to those experiences. And now, for better or for worse, you have what you have.

We often tend to view the undesirable things in our life as things that happened TO us. "There I was minding my own business and wham, my boss unloaded on me. What was I supposed to do?"

The cool thing about taking responsibility for everything in your life is that nine times out of ten, if you created it... you can change it. On the contrary, if it happened TO you- there is not much that you can do to change it. You are at the mercy of other people and outside forces. Taking responsibility for your life empowers you to change it and to create the life that you want- the ultimate freedom.

If you start making different choices today, you can expect your life to be significantly different in about six months. That seems to be about how long it takes for new things to manifest. The choice in front of you is whether or not you choose to take responsibility for the things in your life. That choice opens you up to all the other choices- or not.