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Michael Hoffman

Movie "Brothers" shows complex ways that war affects

I just watched the movie Brothers on DVD (see trailer). It does an excellent job of showing how war affects people's lives back home. If you have not seen it, I really recommend it- that is when you are up for an emotionally intense movie. It is extremely well done and the actors give outstanding performances.

I do not think we always consider the complex ways that war affects people and families. Brothers does an excellent job of conveying this. Tobey Maguire's character was strong; he had every aspect of his life together. Yet his war experience, granted it was extreme, totally broke him down. Even though he worked through the really intense part of his healing, he was left wondering if it was possible to rebuild his life. No matter how strong we are, we are vulnerable to such trauma.

The effects on his family was huge including his brother, wife, two daughters, and father. The dynamics in his family are profound and complex.

He likely would not have survived if his brother (Jake Gyllenhaal) and wife (Natalie Portman) were not so strong and supportive. I wonder what happens to the veterans that are not as strong as his character, and did not have such strong and caring family members.

As a statistic, Tobey Maguire's character lived. But his life and the lives of his family will never be the same. Hundreds of thousands of lives are affected in so many ways when veterans return home.

Next time you feel poorly about yourself, go deeper

You are innocent and beautiful inside. If you go deep enough, there is nothing but light and love in there.

Our innocence and beauty just gets walled off with mistaken beliefs about ourselves. We are told there is something wrong with us- that we are deficient. We are told that we are born of sin. These self-beliefs create onion layers around the light and love.

After a while, we cannot access the light and love anymore. All we can feel are the onion layers or mistaken beliefs. They feel icky. We believe that the ickiness we feel is who we are inside.

These beliefs are 180 degrees from the truth. Those mistaken beliefs are not who you are. Someone sold you a bill of goods. You believed them.

Next time you feel poorly about yourself, go deeper. Meditate, pray, fall in love, follow your passion, explore. Just do whatever it takes to get beyond the onion layers to the light and love.

Your beauty is still in there waiting for you to discover it. Beneath the layers of self-beliefs, you are still as innocent as the day that you were born.

But don't believe me. You will have to experience it for yourself.

That works for me

Things either work for you- or they don't. Few things in life are so cut and dry.

When you let go of trying to control or change people and situations, you are left with accepting them the way that they are. Then your only recourse is to discern whether this situation works for you or not- and act on it.

Environments either support who and what you are or they do not. If they do, proceed. If they do not- you owe it yourself to leave and find one that uplifts you. One that works.

Relationships either support you as you are, or they do not. You get the idea.

So embrace or encompass the experience that is in front of you. Allow all the information in. Discern. Your instincts will tell you if it is a good place for you to be. Then... find the courage to either stay and surrender yourself to it- or leave. You may have to be there for business reasons, but you don't have to hang out.

There are people who are willing and able to support you as you are. They likely will not have the opportunity to meet you until you extricate yourself from your non-supportive people. There sometimes is a lonely period between leaving the old and finding the new. It takes strength and determination.

Most of us have to get a little more selective about how and where we spend our time. Life is so precious. Time and how we spend it is our most valuable resource.

I am nothing, I know nothing

Whenever I want to be really present, I say, "I am nothing, I know nothing." It is a declaration taught to me by my teacher to be clear when doing Native American ceremony. I use it in all aspects of my life. Saying this (and meaning it) allows me to detach from all the things that I thought I was and thought I knew. Then I can discover who I am in my present experience.

It allows me to "empty my cup," so there is room for something new.

It allows me to be "teachable." I can learn something.

Then I do not have to reinforce the things I thought I was or thought I knew with my new experience. I can be free to see and experience things way they are.

It is the most powerful teaching and tool that I was ever given.

Try it sometime. You will be amazed at what you discover.

See (that person) outside the box

The first thing that people often do when meeting someone new is to put them in a box. We intellectually label and stereotype that person. We "pigeon-hole" them so we do not have to think about who they are anymore. Then we just interact with our preconception of them.

Truth is... people just do not fit that well into a box. They are dynamic, complex, and ever-changing. They have different aspects of themselves that they draw on at different times.

To get to know someone, we have to be open to who they are all the time. We have to put away our preconceptions of them and pay attention to who they are right now. We may be witnessing the first time they ever exposed that part of themselves to someone.

But most folks do not go to all that trouble. Much easier to make assumptions about people. Then we do not have to think about who this person is. We do not have to continually redefine and discover who they. Most of all, we do not have to redefine who we are in relation to them. We do not have to feel or get involved. That could be risky and downright uncomfortable.

Plus that way we can create the illusion that we can control them. Much safer that way.

Only problem is... we miss our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to discover who that person really is in this moment. We fail to see how their beauty is beyond definition.

You get to leave when you learn the lesson

Karma is best defined as unfinished business. Often when we are stuck in situations such as an unhappy relationship or a job that we do not like, it is due to unfinished business.

There is part of us that wants to resolve our unfinished business. We likely unconsciously put ourselves there so we could learn the lesson and complete our unfinished business. Plus, we often need that understanding to create something different.

If we leave the situation before it is resolved, we often create a new similar situation to complete our unfinished business. I call this "revolving door syndrome." The movie Groundhog Day depicted this concept extremely well. When Bill Murray's character completed the lesson, he got to leave his revolving door or "karmic loop."

Therefore if you are stuck in a situation that is not working for you, it may serve you to explore what the lesson is. What are you trying to learn or understand? Then you can complete your unfinished business and move on to something new.

Furthermore, I have found when people resolve their unfinished business, a shift or new doorway will often naturally appear.

On the other hand, once you have learned the lesson, you owe it to yourself to leave. There is nothing there for you anymore.

So... if you do not like your job (or other situation), you get to leave it (for good) when you learn the lesson and complete your unfinished business.